Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His hands were made for my vagina.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
