you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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