Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My feet surprised me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
