dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
