You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
