I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
