dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
