Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
