if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
