be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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