Your face is a jimmy john
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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