are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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