My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
