is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
