its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
