Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
