The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
