Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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