You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
