We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
