we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
