Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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