In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
