theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
