I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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