If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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