I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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