There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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