He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
