Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
