non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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