Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
