i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
