Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
