So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
