Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
