u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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