everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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