I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You took a bar mat shot.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
