Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
