can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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