Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
