Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
