Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
