God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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