Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
