Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
