one might say we're banned from that church
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
