Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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