No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
