I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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